Celebrating Survival

I recently was discussing with someone how they were going to celebrate their upcoming birthday, and they said, “What in the last year is worth celebrating?” As background, this person has gone through so much personal hardship in the last year - a year that was already so full of hardship due to a pandemic that has altered life for most everyone, in most every way possible, and in a time of political vitriol that has stirred so much anxiety in so many. I was heartbroken at the despair in their statement, at the evident sorrow in their heart. Yet I’d said the exact same thing at my birthday, almost two months ago. In the midst of a very difficult personal time, my birthday had the audacity to happen, again. And I was so disengaged, due to life circumstances, that I didn’t want acknowledgement or any kind of “celebration” of a life that felt almost impossible to manage. I just wanted to bury my head in the sand and get through the annual milestone day meant to celebrate Life. 

Yet as soon as I heard them say what they said, I immediately fell into “there’s always something to be grateful for” mode, and parsed out things like, “Then celebrate the coming year, which will inevitably be better!” and, “Last year is OVER, and you survived!” To which they responded, “I don’t want to celebrate ‘just surviving.’” In their mind, survival is a given…something that happens ‘effortlessly,’ as long as the heart keeps beating, and is nothing that we might deserve any credit or congratulations for. But the truth is, survival is indeed something to celebrate - both celebrating our body, for being healthy enough to keep functioning, as well as ourselves, for mentally not giving up and for being strong enough to keep facing the hard things, and to keep on keeping on, day after difficult day. We rarely give ourselves enough credit, and this is a statement that applies to most everyone, in most every situation, everywhere. 

This is not a newsflash…this last year has been hard. Everyone knows all the external things (macro-level) that have been hard. And then there’s everyone’s specific life (micro-level), which comes with its own challenges. Everyone has been dealing with A LOT - both in the external world and in our own internal world - and some people have been dealing with EVEN MORE. And we feel bad, because sometimes there’s so much to feel bad about, and then we feel bad that we feel bad and beat ourselves up even more. It is a relentless and unforgiving circle.

Anyone who knows me knows that I don’t often (or ever) quote Scripture, but I often say out loud that I just wish everyone would be FRICKIN’ NICE to each other, which probably originates from the commandment, “Love your neighbor as yourself.”  And it’s absolutely true…life would be so much easier if we were all nice to our ‘neighbors’ - not just our literal neighbors, but our figurative, ‘fellow human being’ neighbors. And I do love my neighbors. I always try to think of someone’s background and how that affects their current situation. I will stop to help a stranger, say kind things to people I don’t know. I hope I am a decent friend. I like to think that I encourage people, and don’t judge them, and tell people that they’re doing the best they can. I like to think I’m kind and sympathetic. I like to think I encourage people to forgive others and themselves. I give unasked-for hugs whenever they are merited/needed/deserved (less so right now, unfortunately). 

But I definitely should NOT love my neighbors as I love myself, because - like the person with the birthday - I, too, am fairly brutal on myself. I dwell on my shortcomings and ways I haven’t been who I should’ve been. I regret having done or said things. I blame myself for things that possibly weren’t even my fault. I judge myself and hold self-grudges. Quite frankly, I treat myself like shit. What I really should be doing is loving myself as I love my neighbors, and I know this a true statement for far more people than just me. As a society, we are trying to develop a culture of kindness where we teach our children to embrace kindness and compassion for others, yet we fail - so often - to do the same things with ourselves. I would never talk to a friend the way I talk to myself, and I wish I treated myself as I’d treat a friend. I am my own worst bully, if I’m being honest. 

Which brings me back to the statement from the upcoming-birthday-person…the “I don’t want to celebrate just surviving” statement. I say this to that person, and to myself, and to anyone who needs to hear it: 
’Just surviving’…YOUR survival…is worth celebrating. It is a gift to you that may be hard to see in hard times. There is so much ahead for you that has nothing to do with your life right now, and those things will be wonderful and you will feel joy. Your survival is also a gift to those who love you. You bring joy, even in hard times, to others…through who you are, and your humor, and your strength. Your life is worth celebrating…not just on your birthday, but on every single day. 
Treat yourself as you would treat a friend. Offer yourself the same understanding that you would offer a friend in the same situation. Be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself. Know that you are doing the best you can. Know that you are loved, and worth loving. Know that hard times won’t always be the way. Know that you will emerge from this stronger and more compassionate and better. Know that you are not alone.
Every breath is worth celebrating. Your survival is worth celebrating. Love yourself as your neighbor. You are MY ‘neighbor’ and I love you with all my heart. Love yourself like that. Even in hard times.