One time, years ago, after recounting a story to my cousin about some ridiculousness the family had experienced, she said to me, “Hey…you know what you’ll never be able to say? ‘Remember that time nothing happened?’” We laughed and laughed at her hilarious joke, as I couldn’t possibly fathom a time when I’d ever be able to respond to a “how was” question with an answer like, “It was great…nothing stupid happened!” Well, it’s been years in the making and we were long overdue. Yet, miraculously, for one magical week in November, the Gorreck crew went on vacation and nothing happened.
As a family, we’re known for more than our fair share of
mishaps. The bad luck gene originates in the maternal Abell line, as I can
remember my Uncle Rob always saying that if it weren’t for bad luck, he’d have
no luck at all. I’ve consistently proven this luck sentiment over the years. But
what I cannot tell is if I’ve passed this bad luck gene on to the kids, or if they
are merely victims of circumstance as they star as supporting actors in my
chaos and havoc.
So we went on a cruise for the week of Thanksgiving. After
the year we had (truthfully, the last five years), we deserved an opportunity
to celebrate life and all we’d overcome. Plus, we’d been so screwed by our two
previous 2024 vacations (the one that wasn’t, as I ended up admitted to the
hospital two days before our departure, and the other one from which I’ll be
permanently scarred…how could you, Canada???) that we deserved something GREAT.
I was desperate for a relaxing getaway, except…if you’re a Gorreck, “relaxing”
and “getaway” are never words that are adjacent when describing family
vacations. When I told the kids that we were going on a trip, Nadia said, “Do
you ever learn your lesson?” And that is how the Gorrecks travel...we
go somewhere, mayhem ensues, we come home and everyone we know lines up to hear
about what went wrong this time, I vow to never go on vacation again, months
pass and my conviction waivers, I book a vacation again, and the cycle repeats.
What do they say about the definition of insanity???
On departure morning, everyone got up on time(ish), we made
it out the door on time(ish), everyone put their luggage in the car (flashback
to the time we were halfway between Maryland and North Carolina and Nadia, from
the backseat, asked, “Did anyone grab my suitcase from the top of the stairs?”
The answer was no). We had a peaceful drive to the airport (no
getting lost in Manhattan at rush hour on a weekday morning), we breezed
through TSA, boarded the under-booked plane and had whole seat rows to ourselves
(no sitting next to an adult woman with a thumb-sucking habit, no flatulent
seatmates). We did experience a bit of turbulence, but Nadia has thankfully
outgrown the stage when she shouted, “Weeeeeee! We’re going down!!!” during
turbulence on a flight to Jamaica when she was two. We got to Tampa, called a
Lyft and made it to the cruise terminal with ease. We got there early (the
Gorrecks get nowhere early!!), checked in and headed straight to our rooms (the
keys all worked, there were no squatters already in our room who needed to be
evicted). The day couldn’t have gone smoother…which implied the other shoe was
getting ready to drop, we just had to prepare ourselves for where and when and
on whom. We live in constant paranoia, based on real life experience.
The ship set sail, we went to four ports in three countries
and we did exactly what we were expecting to do in all of the ports. We didn’t
die during the cave snorkeling, we swam in the cenotes, we didn’t die ziplining
(I set the bar for success this low so that it’s more achievable…I am NOT a
woman of high standards), we didn’t die reef snorkeling, we ate some iguana and
didn’t choke on a tiny bone, some of us got to see Mayan ruins or went on a
river safari or swam with sharks and rays (again, didn’t die!). Declan wasn’t
hobbling around on a cane like he was in Greece, we didn’t make any tour guides
cry (it wasn’t directly our fault...that poor lady), nobody wandered off
and got lost (see: Busch Gardens, 2019), and there were no international
incidents or police reports in foreign languages. Yes, all of these things happen
to us in various states or countries or international waters. We enjoyed the
offerings of the cruise ship, but not too much, and there were zero nights when
anyone had to search for a missing teenager for hours, fearing the worst. There
were also no “EMERGENCY!” texts revolving around a toilet issue that ended with
two repairmen, dressed in hazmat suits and rubber boots, replacing the toilet
pipes in our bathroom (trust me when I say: this is the PG, for-public version).
We made it back to Florida, where no major hurricane was waiting for us (yeah,
I’m talking to you, Ian!), we caught up with my delightful nephew and his
fiancée there, and made it back to CT, all without issue. I bought travel
insurance, and didn’t even have to use it…what a waste!! Is this how normal
people go through life???
The trip wasn’t completely uneventful…I did get bitten in
the eyebrow by a monkey, but I’d signed a waiver that included language like
“Animals are unpredictable and interactions can result in bodily harm or
death,” so that’s on me. And in the first five minutes of the first tour we
went on, my sandal strap broke and the sandal kept flying off my foot for the
rest of the day. This obviously wasn’t a major incident and proved to be
entertainment for the family. Liam packed insanely lightly and had clothes for
about three days so there was constant handwashing occurring. And one of us (who’d
prefer anonymity) got a case of Montezuma’s Revenge that began once we were
home and lasted a very long time. But I’m not complaining….I think these are
the mishaps that normal families have.
Ironically, even though it was a great vacation, the end result
is the same….with threats and promises that we’re never going on vacation again.
And this time, I mean it. Now that I know how normal families vacation,
there is NO WAY I’m risking ruining this amazing experience and going back to the
‘Gorreck normal.’ I never imagined that this is how the time that
nothing happened would end (please check back in a few months to see if I
caved and booked another vacation....to be continued??).
